Schematic presentation of a Lehane scene where prepositions are coded in blue, conjunctions in yellow, punctuation in red ( e.g., *paragraphs |||) and logical relation or juxtaposition coded in green. Clause branching with commas are indented forward. Illustrative line comments are in the right column.

Chapter 9 Scene 02 --- 02_07_02



WHITEY FOUND SEAN in the woods a hundred yards past the ravine.

They'd lost the blood trail and any evidence of footprints in the more open areas of the park,
- last night's rain having wiped clean anything that nature didn't cover.

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"We got dogs sniffing something over by the old drive-in screen.


You wanna take a walk over?"

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Sean nodded,
- but then his walkie-talkie bleated.

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"Trooper Devine".

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"We got a guy out front here-"

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"Which front?"

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"The Sydney Street side,
- Trooper".

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"Go ahead".

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"Guy claims he's the father of the missing girl".


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"The fuck's he doing on-scene?" Sean felt his face fill with blood,
- get hot and red.

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"Slipped through,
- Trooper.


What can I say?"

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"Well,
- push him back.


You got a psychologist on-scene yet?"

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"En route".

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Sean closed his eyes.

Everyone was en route,
- like they were all sitting in the same fucking traffic jam.


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"So,
- keep the father calm till the shrink's on-scene.


You know the drill".

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"Yeah,
- but he's asking for you,
- - Trooper".

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"Me".

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"Said he knows you.


Said someone told him you were here".

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"No,
- no,
- - no.


Look-"

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"He's got some guys with him".

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"Guys?"

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"Bunch of scary-looking dudes.

Half of 'em are like semi-midget,
- and all of 'em look alike".


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The Savage brothers.


Shit.

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"I'm on my way,
- " Sean said.

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low sentence per paragraph example, high dialog tension

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Two simple introductory sentences situate place and time

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simple, sometimes 2 word dialogue fragments, set up a confrontation to come with players and emotional stakes, possible threats. Sparse but highly effective communication of future scene set up, tension prolonged.

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